This was originally to be more (10 perhaps?) but it is getting too long winded, (and I haven't posted in a while!), so I will post it as is. Perhaps another 3 reason will come in the near future.
1) You're Sleeping On The Couch
If you and your partner are sleeping separately, there is a problem in your relationship. Of course, you're going 'Duh!', but I mean a problem than way bigger than whatever fight you had that prompted the separation. All couples fight - some are calm, cool, and collected, and no one would even know they were fighting - others are knock down, drag out (hopefully not literally!) that the entire world is aware of. But even the most well adjusted couples have disagreements. If you didn't disagree on something sometime, you'd be bored. Of course, eventually, the most well adjusted couples learn one another's idiosyncrasies and learn where to give and where to stand their ground to reach a happy medium (ie, no more fighting).
If your fights routinely lead to you (or your partner) sleeping on the couch, there is a deeper problem you need to look at. I am a big advocate for working out the little problems in a relationship instead of just giving up, but I am also a realist. Not all relationships were meant to be, and not all relationships can be fixed. Instead of fixing the little problems that lead to big fights, fix the big problem and stop having fights. This may not be easy, and you may find a few more things on this list apply to your relationship, but if you want a happy, healthy, long lasting relationship, this is a necessary step.
2) Constant Affirmations
If your partner requires (either actively - 'tell me I'm pretty' 'does this dress make me look fat' etc - or passively - gets depressed, cries, mopes, etc if you do not give compliments often enough) constant affirmations (you're hot, you're sexy, you're so smart, you're so wonderful, you're so whatever), there is something wrong in your relationship. A relationship should not be about what you get out of it (though if you aren't getting anything, there is a problem) but what you can bring to it. If you're the only one in your relationship bringing anything to the table, then your partner's priorities are wrong. Sure, it's great to be told (and to tell someone) how amazing you (they) are, but it shouldn't be a constant thing - your friend's shouldn't get sick of hearing you say how sexy your partner is (esp if you're saying to your partner and your friends are STILL sick of hearing it). If your partner's confidence level is so invested in you telling him/her how great they are, and drops so low if you don't feed it daily, your partner probably needs professional help - and as much as you want to, you'll never be able to 'fix' him/her. The best that you will do is create a dependent relationship, that your partner cannot function properly without. The goal of a healthy relationship is to care for your partner - and your partner will be doing the same, so you both are cared for properly. If your partner isn't mentally or emotionally capable of caring for you, you will never have a healthy relationship.
3) Jealousy
If your partner is jealous, there is a problem. Jealousy roots from lack of trust. Whether that is trust in you or trust in relationships as a whole, the fact that your partner cannot trust means that your partner can never have a healthy relationship. Whatever it was that happened to your partner to make your partner become a jealous person, it is not something you did (at least it better not be! if it is, there is a whole NEW set of problems in your relationship!) The past is the past - even though what has happened in the past colors ones actions in the present, the past is not the future .... unless you make it so. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example: I say, for no reason at all, next Sunday night, I am going to be sad. There is no reason for it; there is nothing I know of in the future that will be happening that will make me be sad on Sunday night. Sunday night is just the same as every other normal Sunday night from the very beginning of my life. But all week long, I say 'I just KNOW on Sunday night, I will be sad' ... and lo and behold, come Sunday night, I am sad for no reason at all. See? I told you that it would happen! But if I hadn't told you, if I hadn't thought about over and over all week, do you think I would have been sad? The same thing is true with jealousy. If your partner constantly worries that there is a reason to be jealous - ie, you will cheat or you will leave him/her - then your partner will push you away, and in the end, you will cheat or leave your partner. Jealousy is poison to a relationship. Usually it is slow, seeping poison that changes the relationship in ways you don't see at the time, in ways you only see and recognize when you look back at the end ... when all is said and done and the relationship is over. If you have jealousy in your relationship - whether it is your partner being jealous, or you being jealous yourself - root that out. Remove it from your relationship. It isn't something that can be done overnight, but it is something that must be done if you want your relationship to survive. If your partner cannot trust you, how can you trust your partner? I recommend this for some more reading: http://terreas.blogspot.com/2009/07/marriagea-treastise.html
And though I don't like to be a doomsayer, there are only two types of people that are violent in a relationship: mean (cruel) people who cannot love ... and jealous people.
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