What is the Most Important Factor in a Healthy Relationship

There are a number of things that could be argued to be the most important factor in a healthy relationship, but what is the #1 Most Important Factor? It seems that if you knew the key to this, all your relationships would be happy and healthy, and you'd be able make your relationship last forever, right? Trust is always important, but is it the most important thing? Compromise is necessary, but can a relationship survive if on compromise alone? Of course, love is necessary too, but that should never need to be brought to a relationship, only held on to. So what is the most important factor in a healthy relationship?

Honesty. Open and complete honesty. 

If you have chosen one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should be able to tell them anything and everything. Some professionals (and non-professionals) will argue that a relationship should have its secrets, but I do not believe this is the case. It may be hard to tell your partner something, and perhaps detailed recollections of your past relationships or sexual encounters should be avoided, but if you have something on your mind, weighing on your heart, you should be able to share with your partner. 

You may feel that your partner should feel comfortable telling you everything. And if you find that he or she is not, your first reaction may be to feel offended. Why wouldn't they feel comfortable telling you something? You're the one person they SHOULD feel comfortable with! You're the person they will be spending the rest of their life with. But just because they SHOULD be comfortable, doesn't mean they aren't self conscious. And sometimes there are things that it seems harder to share with your partner. Whether it is because you're afraid to disappoint, you feel that you suddenly will not be the man or woman they thought you were, or you do not want to burden your partner - telling your partner is something you just downright dread. As much as it terrifies you, you - and your partner - will feel better for it. If your partner reacts badly, perhaps he or she is not the right person for you - or is not really ready for a long-term relationship.

I recommend, even if you don't feel that your partner might be holding back, you take the time to let them know it IS OK. Take a few minutes, take your partner's hand, and tell him or her that it is OK to say ANYTHING at all, and you will not judge. And if he or she doesn't want to talk right now, or has nothing to say right now, that all he or she has to do is let you know when it is the right time. 

Me, Myself, and I

Who Am I?

I am a 30something (it's not nice to ask a lady her age or her weight ;) ) mother of two. I hold a BS in English, and I have worked a myriad of jobs - everything from restaurants, to girl's treatment facility, to MHMR live-in facility, to residential and business tech support. My daughter is 8, and she looks just like me. She is a product of my first marriage. My son is 1, and he is the most adorable, curious, happy little boy I've ever seen (but of course, I'm likely somewhat biased).

Yes, you read that right, I am a divorcee.

So Who Am I?

So now you're wondering why in the world you should bother to read what I have to say. I don't have a psych or social science related degree. I have been married and divorced and will (in the nearish future) be married again. Wouldn't it stand to reason that I am in no position to give anyone ideas on relationships?

I don't know about you, but I don't want to get advice from someone that only knows how things work right. I want to get advice from someone that knows all the ways you can screw something up, and then put it back together to make it work again. What are the potential pitfalls I might be facing? How might I be able to avoid these pitfalls? How do I get out if I am already in the middle of a mess?

Even if you're still skeptic, please bear with me. Give a few blogs a read, wait a week or two and see what I have to say before you decide. I promise to do my best to give you some food for thought.

Hello World

We all know what a blog is by now. It seems everyone has one. Except me, apparently. But everything is about to change. Welcome to my blog.

One of the reasons I never started a blog before was because everything I could think of to blog about was inconsequential. I'm not a foodie - while I like food, no one cares what I had for dinner (except maybe the dog). I'm not a 'fashionista' - while I've set some trends in my time (why wear a t-shirt when you can put the same saying on your pleather pants in the form of bumper stickers?), I am not on the cutting edge of fashion. And Grandma is the only one that cares about what silly antics my children and cats are up to today. But as I peruse the social media in my free time (which is way too much right now), I realize that perhaps I do have something to write about that other people might want to read. I don't know if it is just the people in my 'friend's' list or if there is a lack of anyone else writing, but it seems the only relationship advice blogs/articles I see are "Christian" - i.e. put God first and everything else second. While that's fine and all, it leaves a huge percentage of people don't want to read it for whatever reason. So this is not a place you'll find religion. This is a place where you will find thoughts and ideas of one woman in regards to love, sex, and relationships. Perhaps it will help you. Perhaps my other half will be the only one that reads my blogs. Either way, dear reader, please standby for blogs that will (hopefully) make you think (reflect) on your own relationships and how they can be the best that they can be.